on my mind - grateful for - to be part of the knowing

                                photo by lovely Lisa Haymes

With Mother's Day approaching, I have to keep reminding myself  "Oh yes I am a Mum too".  I had become so disconnected to this ever being a personal day for myself, it still feels really strange.  Having mainly worked with women and children, I always try to be empathetic but always professjonal and clinical.    Always taking into consideration parental concern and the psycho-social perspective. 

In Medicine you see the cycle of life.  The joyous growth of pregnant bellies and little children.  The bleary eyed working parents who have been up all night with their hot little one with a sore ear  or that cough that just will not go away.  Lots of teenage angst.  The anguish and loss of a loved one.  The impact of wear and tear as we now live longer.

People would often ask me, "Do you have children?".  As time went by I would find this harder and harder to answer.  I ended up saying "No, not ever lucky enough".  I would not quite know if this was the right thing to say.  Some would say that I was the lucky one.  Some would look  sad, or not know how to respond.  Others would add a personal story of their own, similar or someone else close to them.

I remember working in a post natal ward, being the Paediatric Doctor, doing all the pre discharge baby checks.  On a Saturday morning I may have had 20 mothers and babies to see.  I remember seeing one dear little baby boy, his mother really needed some time to have that precious shower.  So she left me with him whilst she ducked in. I remember holding him dearly and gazing into his eyes.  I was breathing in that sweetness that I thought I would never have.  I needed to bring myself back to the job at hand.  Yes, make sure is all well and nothing odd to find.  He was perfect.

Now I can say I know what it feels like.  I realise that knowing look of other parents.  I know what it is like to be sick everyday of your pregnancy.  I know what it is like having a vaginal birth, actually a posterior one.  I know the pain of breast feeding.   I know what it is like when your baby doesn't sleep.  I know of that clinging toddler to your leg all day.  I know about the uncertainty and wondering if you are doing the right thing.  And maybe now know, ah yes boys are different aren't they.  (Being one of 3 girls myself).

I look forward now to Mother's Day and am just learning to give myself a little pat on the back.

A big hugs to all Mothers out there.

Linking today  with Maxabella for more loving gratefuls  and also would like to join Rhonda Jean too.