our weekend shared with friends

anchors

I have a confession to make.  As I look back over the many chapters of my life so far.  Hopefully half of my time here.  I realise there have been women in my life that I have anchored myself upon.  Women with whom I have identified deeply and then thrived on the essence of them.  Their creativity, their courage and resilience.  Their witty sense of humour and their ability to rise up against sorrow and misfortune.  I have secretly wanted to be them.  Perhaps even had a funny little crush on them. 

When I don't have women in my life that affect me so, I feel so lost.  Perhaps that is what I feel I absorb from this blog world.  All up it is one big best girlfriend that I can lean on and anchor myself to.  This probably sounds a bit sad but  I have moved around so much and lost contact with so many wonderful women.  Now being a forty something mother of a very active, loud and boisterous although adorable little boy and uprooted myself into yet another place.  Well I am so glad to have this space.

I just wanted to give an kiss and hug to those women in my life that have inspired me and helped me get out of bed in the morning.  If those women ever read this they will know who they are.

Have you had those anchors?  How have they shaped you?

28 days of gratitude - days 13 to 17 - 5 days of pondering

Over the last 5 days have felt a bit over myself and a bit sad.  Still grieving a bit and being back on the coast made me miss everyone so much.  We camped in a cottage near our old house.  It felt like it should still be ours somehow.

Our little man is unwell again and in this morning I will be brave enough to take him to ED.  I think he may have pneumonia.

Poor little Chester pooch has a ruptured knee ligament and is currently fasting for his booked in operation in a few hours time.  Too much ball chasing.  Those days are now over.

Danny boy, well he is having a great time.  He had a big Vet check up recently as he was really pulling up slow and panting hard.  He has been cleared of heart failure and now on daily medications for his arthritis.  He wants to be a pup again and is sometimes even being a bit of a pain.  I don't know how many times I say not to sleep on the couch.  He has been quite boisterous and even Che has been  pushing his butt out of the way.  Go Dan !

We are now officially a one car family.  We said goodbye to our trusty old 1993 Subaru wagon.  This car has been up and down this continent.  We lived out of it for 6 months when I left the Northern Territory and locumed around Western NSW in 2005.  It eventually became Dada's car and smelt and looked like it too.  Full of chip wrappers, sand, tools, dog vomit in the dash covered up with leaf mulch.  Lots of little dings.  Now wonder the wrecker only gave us 200 bucks.

Pondering deeply there have been a few things that come to mind that I am grateful for these last 5 days.

1. Getting an early night

2. Although have been a bit ambivalent lately, still so grateful to be able to breast feed sick bubba and keep him well hydrated.

3. Even though our littleman has been sick he still gives me the most gorgeous smile and loves a tickle.

4. Doggy greetings when arrive home after a day at work.  They still folllow me into the loo, tails wagging with overflowing happiness.

5.  Friends, I cherish you so much.

28 days of gratitude - day 8- the kindness of strangers

 

                 A thoughtful lady at cubby house playgroup yesterday asked how I was feeling.  I confided in what was happening and mentioned our plans for the week.  After coming out of our kindamusic class this morning she greeted me with the most beautiful bunch of yellow roses from her garden.  Tucked under her other arm was her newborn baby son (her third child).  He is only 3 weeks old and his name is John. Isnt that just the best name in the world for a boy.

               Listening to music.  Doesn't it feed the soul.  Helps you come in and out.  Transcending the moments.

28 days of gratitude - day 7 - my friend Cynthia

Today feeling quite exhausted and teary.  Last night I received news of the passing of my very dear friend Cynthia. Wife to Len, mother to kiddos Conrad and Sofia.  Cynthia fought her battle against bladder cancer at such a young age.

Cynthia and I were intern junior doctors together.  We shared a house and many aspirations of love, travel, children, art, meditation and spirituality.

Cynthia had one of those serene faces.  Like she was living in the future looking back.  A face which was wise and calm.  She faced this dreadful illness with little outward show of fear and as always her approach was positive and steadfast.

I remember Cyn doing step ups onto my dining chairs every morning.  I feel she really lived by what I saw as a true buddhist way.  Right thought, right action.

I listened as she told of her yearning for a man that lived overseas.  They were able to make a life here together and bring into this world two stunningly beautiful children.  Cynthia was a very dedicated mother.  Cynthia  built this strong sense of family first and I am sure there are many happy treasured memories.

I grieve for the loss of her.  Her husband and children.  I am feeling very sad that I did not get a chance to say a proper goodbye.  It all happended so fast.

But I am comforted by feeling her presence that is omnipresent and the dulcit tones of her voice is a chorus in my head.  So many memories of her kindness and strong spirit.

Cyn fully embraced my spontaneous pregnancy  at my older age.  Cyn showered me with pre loved baby stuff that we still use everyday.  She was supportive and encouraged me giving up work, selling my house, so I could be with my baby at this very special time.  And with my ever wakeful baby, her focus in relating to me was her detailed advice on sleep, breast feeding and routines.   Not her illness.  Maybe this was a distraction for her.

My heart is aching for the loss of my good friend.  Another dear friend said to me today,  perhaps people who have lived so well and had such a full life,  maybe they have a shorter life.  Their souls are complete and their work is done.


Vale Cynthia

xxxJ

28 days of gratitude - day 3 - team effort

Today I am so grateful for Marty's perseverence and my friend Maren's constant helping hand.  We have been putting up this silly fiddly shed from that well known hardware mutlinational for what seems like days now.   We needed something temporary but still sturdy.  It certainly would not survive a category 1 cyclone.  Here I was the negative one.  Prancing around saying "its not going to work".  "We should organise to dismantle what we have done and take it back".  "Maybe we should not have even put up a shed?".  Man can I be a pain in the butt.

We have needed to buy extra screws and braces to make it stay firm.  We are only renting so could not put down concrete slab.  Grrrrrr.  Nothing is ever easy is it?

Remarkably through the above ignoring my whining, they just got on with the job.  In this continued heat wave.  I decided to come inside with my tail between my legs and make every one a great supper.  Saganaki and mixed green salad with asparagus and snake beans and baby spinach.  Also baked pumpkin and quinoa salad. For a treat gin and tonic with lots of lime.  Bubba loved the salads.

This morning he slept till 8.30 am,  Bit out of the blue.

Thank you for putting up with me.

good morning

Phew that was a big nite.  Gosh our little man is a vigourous one.  Oh well today is a new cheery day.   Yesterday there were a few little steps,maybe 5 or 6 and then plonking back down onto bum.

Morning routine:

morning booby and cuddle
nappy change and tidy up nursery
quick shower
prepare breakfast
empty dishwasher
put load of washing on
eat breakfast with bub, set up bibs, placemat, chair with booster and encourage some sort of civil way of eating our porridge/cheerios/mini wheats or maybe french toast or scrambled eggs
then sigh, yes clean up while bub roams and explores
start planning dinner for tonight, maybe organise recipe for slow cooker, thaw meat, check fridge for needy purchases
organise emergency snack pak and left overs and stuff for lunch for bubba
sweep floor
make our bed
change bub into going out clothes
walk dogs (Marty usually does this for me if home) with bub in stroller
hang out washing on line
put away clean clothes/linen from yesterdays wash
think about making myself a bit respectable to walk our front door
usually lucky to be out by 10am.

Does it get easier??


This week have decided to start meal planning.  My very good friend Maren arrives from Darwin this week.  We are going to be setting up a stall at Dirty Janes Emporium for BIMA wear.  Its going to be fun to have her here.  Today I made greek style roast lamb and potatoes to put in the slow cooker.  Hopefully ready by 6pm dinner tonight.  Think may have with baby spinach and asparagus salad.  Babcia is coming over as well.

Need to brown in frypan and then onto the browned dutch cream potatoes some stock and cook slowly for 8 hours.  Hopefully delicious.

PS. I won  a meat tray at the Burrawang Pub.  I am usually am not a winner in this way.  Hence such an extravagant sexy leg to decorate.

Cynthia' Circle

A dear friend of mine is undergoing unique but unfunded treatment for her recurrent and progressive bladder cancer.  We were junior doctors together and shared a house and dreams in those salad days.  I now live at a distance but wish I was still close by.  So heartening to hear her mother's group have formed a fundraising venture to help her and her family out.  Cynthia is a mother of 2, incredibly strong and positive and a smart and dedicated Doctor.  If you are on the  Central Coast NSW and have next Wednesday 8th December, 2010 free there is the event below at the Avoca Cinema.

the teriitory - it gets into ya blood

Now that we have made yet another move to a new community, your thoughts and life plan is laid open bare to reflect and consider where are headed and what does it all mean?. Marty and I met in the Northern Territory and I miss that life so much.  The Territory is so unique.  The materialism and white anxiety of the East Coast is miles away.   The Southern Highlands is beautiful.  The gardens, the lush countryside and the houses, the shops and cafes.  It is so civilized, ordered, comfy and almost a bit of fantasy land.  It is gentile and everyone is well mannered.

The Northern Territory is hot and often hard work.  Having things doesnt matter as much.  Culturally it can be confronting at times.  You learn more by saying and asking less.  Everytime I read or hear about things going on up North, my heart starts to flutter and I feel a yearning to return.

But this was all pre-baby.  I will keep putting one foot in front of the other.


Thank you so much my Territory friends.  Please visit BIMAWear for authentic indigenous prints from the very special ladies of the Tiwi Islands.

xxJ

mothers group

Recently our mothers group has started catching up at our abodes rather than bracing ourselves outside coffee shops.  I had not seen all the lovely ladies and bubs for a few weeks and so it was so lovely having a bunch of us at my house.  It was cold wet and raining outside, but the fire made the house all toasty and there was a great feeling of merriment seeing all the bubs together playing on the floor.  Lots of tea and brewed coffee and yummy stuff to eat.

Such a great bunch of women I have to say.  Being a Doctor I have to be honest I felt hesitant and self conscious at first.  But I guess this is entwined with me actually accepting that yes I am a mother now .  I get so much from their friendliness and acceptance.

Reflecting back of my time here on the coast I have at many times felt very lonely.  Working full time, then feeling overwhelmed purshasing a derelict house that really was knock down needing so much time and money for it to be liveable.  Over committed financially.  I guess I am quite house proud and put pressure on us to get things done.  This made me stressed and not much time to explore opportunities locally.  How I ever fell pregnant during this time is a wonder. Too skinny, drinking too much, eating badly.

Now we are moving and feel very sad that we will not be close by to these lovely women and their children. I do hope we can keep in touch and have some reunion over the years.  Would be special for our little man I am sure.

We have plans of moving to the Southern Highlands to be close to Marty's parents for awhile. I am forever moving and this does make it hard to have a sense of community.  But who knows what is around the corner?

I Believe She's Amazing Flash Mob - Toronto Eaton Centre

I dedicate this video post to my amazing Mum and dear friend Cynthia.  Both of you make me very proud.  You are amazing.