He loves - 5am snuggles in Mummy's bed. Sharing food with us and doggy mates. Drinking water from the dog's bowl and picking food from Chester's in particular. Picking grapes from the fruit market shelves and cherry tomatoes from the vines out the back. He always gives a stranger a smile and they smile back. Constantly pointing and following the birdies. Loves raspberries blown onto his belly after a bath. Starting to shake his head gesturing a big "no!". Is a collector of all types of sticks, rocks and seed pods. In the afternoon really just wants to be carried around on the hip and kept close. Has started wearing my undies on his head. Would much rather be having booby more than anything else.
Over the last 5 days have felt a bit over myself and a bit sad. Still grieving a bit and being back on the coast made me miss everyone so much. We camped in a cottage near our old house. It felt like it should still be ours somehow.
Our little man is unwell again and in this morning I will be brave enough to take him to ED. I think he may have pneumonia.
Poor little Chester pooch has a ruptured knee ligament and is currently fasting for his booked in operation in a few hours time. Too much ball chasing. Those days are now over.
Danny boy, well he is having a great time. He had a big Vet check up recently as he was really pulling up slow and panting hard. He has been cleared of heart failure and now on daily medications for his arthritis. He wants to be a pup again and is sometimes even being a bit of a pain. I don't know how many times I say not to sleep on the couch. He has been quite boisterous and even Che has been pushing his butt out of the way. Go Dan !
We are now officially a one car family. We said goodbye to our trusty old 1993 Subaru wagon. This car has been up and down this continent. We lived out of it for 6 months when I left the Northern Territory and locumed around Western NSW in 2005. It eventually became Dada's car and smelt and looked like it too. Full of chip wrappers, sand, tools, dog vomit in the dash covered up with leaf mulch. Lots of little dings. Now wonder the wrecker only gave us 200 bucks.
Pondering deeply there have been a few things that come to mind that I am grateful for these last 5 days.
1. Getting an early night
2. Although have been a bit ambivalent lately, still so grateful to be able to breast feed sick bubba and keep him well hydrated.
3. Even though our littleman has been sick he still gives me the most gorgeous smile and loves a tickle.
4. Doggy greetings when arrive home after a day at work. They still folllow me into the loo, tails wagging with overflowing happiness.
I know how hard this can be for some people. We had given up hope and had moved on. We thought about using assisted methods but it just wasn't for us. We thought about adoption and again after a lot of soul searching we decided this was not for us.
Then at age 43 during a time of stressful renovations with no kitchen or bathroom, I became very tired and ill. Thinking this was related to life stress I struggled on but it got worse. After doing so many pregnancy tests in the past and only getting one line and then period arriving it took me awhile to consider testing.
Then one lunch break I thought yes maybe and 2 lines instantly appeared.
It has been such an amazing journey.
Looking forward to doing some blog hopping with Maxabella
Today is the day I get to say good bye to my friend Cynthia. Her funeral is at midday today. We are staying in our old town and hope to catch up with some lovely friends.
I cherish the magpie's early morning greeting. Something about living in NSW and in the Sydney sandstone area. I thinks this is "my country". The angophoras, the wet and dry sclerophyl bush, the sandy soil, the banksia and waxflowers. the rocks and great dividing range, both sides.
For the 3 of them, balls are the centre of their world. Little man even says it in his sleep. He sees balls in books, in bowls of fruit, on the trees, on the wheels of cars. I guess I am sharing in his gratitude for his much loved ball. He even runs and dribbles the ball with his feet. Hmmm maybe a skill for the future to embellish.
A thoughtful lady at cubby house playgroup yesterday asked how I was feeling. I confided in what was happening and mentioned our plans for the week. After coming out of our kindamusic class this morning she greeted me with the most beautiful bunch of yellow roses from her garden. Tucked under her other arm was her newborn baby son (her third child). He is only 3 weeks old and his name is John. Isnt that just the best name in the world for a boy.
Listening to music. Doesn't it feed the soul. Helps you come in and out. Transcending the moments.
Today feeling quite exhausted and teary. Last night I received news of the passing of my very dear friend Cynthia. Wife to Len, mother to kiddos Conrad and Sofia. Cynthia fought her battle against bladder cancer at such a young age.
Cynthia and I were intern junior doctors together. We shared a house and many aspirations of love, travel, children, art, meditation and spirituality.
Cynthia had one of those serene faces. Like she was living in the future looking back. A face which was wise and calm. She faced this dreadful illness with little outward show of fear and as always her approach was positive and steadfast.
I remember Cyn doing step ups onto my dining chairs every morning. I feel she really lived by what I saw as a true buddhist way. Right thought, right action.
I listened as she told of her yearning for a man that lived overseas. They were able to make a life here together and bring into this world two stunningly beautiful children. Cynthia was a very dedicated mother. Cynthia built this strong sense of family first and I am sure there are many happy treasured memories.
I grieve for the loss of her. Her husband and children. I am feeling very sad that I did not get a chance to say a proper goodbye. It all happended so fast.
But I am comforted by feeling her presence that is omnipresent and the dulcit tones of her voice is a chorus in my head. So many memories of her kindness and strong spirit.
Cyn fully embraced my spontaneous pregnancy at my older age. Cyn showered me with pre loved baby stuff that we still use everyday. She was supportive and encouraged me giving up work, selling my house, so I could be with my baby at this very special time. And with my ever wakeful baby, her focus in relating to me was her detailed advice on sleep, breast feeding and routines. Not her illness. Maybe this was a distraction for her.
My heart is aching for the loss of my good friend. Another dear friend said to me today, perhaps people who have lived so well and had such a full life, maybe they have a shorter life. Their souls are complete and their work is done.
Thank you so much Babcia for looking after me today. I had so much fun. Sooooooo happy to be close by and have your energy and cute ways. Mummy and Daddy got so much done at home. Arrived back after lunch all tired out. Happy to go down for midday sleep.
Found excellent site here re tips for parents. Although not Ozzie, still pretty helpful.
Another day of overwhelming heat. To have your own pool to cool yourself to the core would just raise that threshold from the feeling of loosing it. Photo above from dear friends pool over xmas/newyear. You guys are so LUCKY.
But thank goodness for the local pool Bowral pool has large grassy areas with lots of shade. Now I can sit as a Mum in the baby pool. Always dreamed of doing that.
Strong memories of Lawson Pool. As a primary schooler, I would walk with my sisters and brother to the pool ourselves, about 2km walk. We would spend all day there. Keeping an eye out for each other. Then we would walk home all sun kissed to be served fresh salad (basically iceberg lettuce, tinned beetroot, sliced cucumber and tomato) and devon for tea. Then water melon and vanilla ice cream for dessert.
Then if Sunday night watch Countdown and then play records , read and then off to bed.
My old boss dropped in to say Hi, this afternoon. So glad we are still friends.
Lovely to join Maxabella in her weekly thoughtful posts on being grateful
Everyone I met today during consultations or walking down the street were expressing the weariness of our current temperatures. The relentless heat has been sapping our energy and making a few people feel on edge.
After my morning sesssion I arrived home to have lunch with my family. Marty makes the best toasted sandwiches in Australia. Our little man had been too excited to go down for his midday sleep earlier so after a cool down with the hose outside and then off to the cool dark room for that cherished breast feed and wind down.
As we cuddled in the usual position of me half falling asleep propped against large pillows, the sky rumbled and roared. I could see the flash of lightening through the blind. The storm was very close. The air felt charged and we were all safe and he was all like a little baby again, snuggled in, with his nakedness , suckle, suckle.
He then opened his eyes and started playing with my hair and poking his fingers in my mouth and said Mamma. He then closed his eyes and was asleep.
Today I am so grateful for Marty's perseverence and my friend Maren's constant helping hand. We have been putting up this silly fiddly shed from that well known hardware mutlinational for what seems like days now. We needed something temporary but still sturdy. It certainly would not survive a category 1 cyclone. Here I was the negative one. Prancing around saying "its not going to work". "We should organise to dismantle what we have done and take it back". "Maybe we should not have even put up a shed?". Man can I be a pain in the butt.
We have needed to buy extra screws and braces to make it stay firm. We are only renting so could not put down concrete slab. Grrrrrr. Nothing is ever easy is it?
Remarkably through the above ignoring my whining, they just got on with the job. In this continued heat wave. I decided to come inside with my tail between my legs and make every one a great supper. Saganaki and mixed green salad with asparagus and snake beans and baby spinach. Also baked pumpkin and quinoa salad. For a treat gin and tonic with lots of lime. Bubba loved the salads.
This morning he slept till 8.30 am, Bit out of the blue.
I have made a lot of mistakes but am ever so grateful that I am here now. Taking things day by day. I think I am a bit of a late bloomer, in many ways. Its funny I feel a sense of equanimity now. There is always two sides to the story.
I worked this morning and then had a surprise lunch date at Craigeburn, Peppers Resort for my birthday. Our good friend Maren looked after bub for a few hours. We have not had a date like this since a few days before his birth.
Maybe I am only half way through? The possibilities are enormous.
A late storm came through and washed away the intensity of ourselves. A vast storm is brewing and threatening our northern friends. I am grateful to be safe. Baby now softly sleeping.
Just sneaked in this post before midnight.
nb. dress from op shop $6. purchased when heavily pregnant. can now only just do up the zipper.
This being my birthday month I would like to take each day to think deeply about all the little things in life that make me happy and grateful for who and where I am.
Today was sweltering. We were putting up a shed to store our tools and gardening equipment. It all got a bit too much. You definitely had to read the instructions. Amazing how the simple hose gave such immediate and cheery relief.
Over the last week our little man has been taking a few more confident steps. Then looking really chuffed and then plonk onto bottam. Today he was really walking so much more than crawling.
Our days over this Summer have been very simple. We have both been home a lot together as a family. This decision for myself not to return to fulltime work has made us sell our house, move, rent, and search for new a community. Each day passes with only very ordinary things happening. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, chatting, potting plants, breast feeding, talking to friends on the phone, walking the dogs. I will cherish this time.