Wednesday, March 23, 2011
a whole week of ramblings
We have been disconnected for more than a week due to total collapse of our trusty computer. Fortunately we were able to resuscitate after needing to completely wipe the hardrive and restore and restart again. So far today it seems to have survived.
So many thoughts have been floating around in my head.
One year ago our little man was a 3 months old and looking back I was so overwhelmed. Basically he just didn't want to sleep. I remember getting about an hour each night. Now at 15 months of age we are consistently sleeping through most nights about 11 hours and having 2-3 hour sleep in the middle of the day. I really thought we would never get there. If you are feeling this way, dont give up hope.
I felt socially isolated and often distressed at why what seemed to work for others didnt for us. We coped in those early days with co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand and just trying to get by. With leaps in milestones co sleeping was no longer a good thing for either of us. He just kicked and was so restless. Then he would wake up so cranky and often his mood would just get worse over the day.
To be honest it was hard to find the middle ground. There were those professed "attached" parents that proudly stated how it was always baby first and all night breast feeding and baby cuddling in was the only way. I would read and read and end up feeling so guilty about my ambivalent feelings. Then the very confident propents of cot only, crying it out and rigid routines.
Perhaps this is the pickle that a lot of "older " mothers find themselves in? It has taken me awhile to think, you know what this works for me/us and I am confident in my choices.
I cannot say anything in particular worked apart from having consistency in the bed-time routine and gently gently persuading them in the direction that you really want things to be. There is no way this could be done with no tears. My little man has a strong and determined personality. Now after all this time he goes into his much loved cot in his own little room that makes him smile. He goes into his cot drowsy but not asleep and he now cuddles down. But it has been hard work.
But we got there. I am sure with further leaps of growth and phases this will change again. But I tell you what, I am starting to feel a little bit normal again and my confidence and my relationship with my son is happy and strong. He is such a gem.
On another note, very sad about events in Japan, Libya and Yemin. We are so lucky.