Wednesday, March 23, 2011

a whole week of ramblings


We have been disconnected for more than a week due to total collapse of our trusty computer.  Fortunately we were able to resuscitate after needing to completely wipe the hardrive and restore and restart again.  So far today it seems to have survived.

So many thoughts have been floating around in my head.

One year ago our little man was a 3 months old and looking back I was so overwhelmed.  Basically he just didn't want to sleep.  I remember getting about an hour each night.  Now at 15 months of age we are consistently sleeping through most nights about 11 hours and having 2-3 hour sleep in the middle of the day.  I really thought we would never get there.  If you are feeling this way, dont give up hope.

I felt socially isolated and often  distressed at why what seemed to work for others didnt for us.  We coped in those early days with co-sleeping, breastfeeding on demand and just trying to get by.  With leaps in milestones co sleeping  was no longer a good thing for either of us.  He just kicked and was so restless.   Then he would wake up so cranky and often his mood would just get worse over the day.

To be honest it was hard to find the middle ground.  There were those professed "attached" parents  that proudly stated how it was always baby first and all night breast feeding and baby cuddling in was the only way.  I would read and read and end up feeling so guilty about my ambivalent feelings.  Then the very confident propents of cot only, crying it out and rigid routines.

Perhaps this is the pickle that a lot of "older " mothers find themselves in?  It has taken me awhile to think, you know what this works for me/us and I am  confident in my choices.

I cannot say anything in particular worked apart from having consistency in the bed-time routine and gently gently persuading  them in the direction that you really want things to be.  There is no way this could be done with no tears.  My little man has a strong and determined personality.  Now after all this time he goes into his much loved cot in his own little room that makes him smile.  He goes into his cot drowsy but not asleep and he now cuddles down.  But it has been hard work.

But we got there.    I am sure with further leaps of growth and phases this will change again.  But I tell you what,  I am starting to feel a little bit normal again and my confidence and my relationship with my son  is happy and strong.  He is such a gem.

On  another note, very sad about events in Japan, Libya and Yemin.  We are so lucky.


Anonymous said...

For such a basic action, infant and child sleep is such an alarmingly emotive topic. I can remember being completely, viscerally, furious with a mother at playgroup who constantly boasted that her 2 month old was sleeping though. Especially as my then ten month old was waking all the time and sleeping pretty much never.

nicole said...

ah. i can relate to your story. the first six months of no sleep was fine. i was joyous and happily breastfeeding on demand overnight. but after a year of getting no more than 3 hours sleep in a row...i was exhausted! we finally got there too and it was a BIG struggle. thankfully one of my colleagues supported me through the hours of trying to rock skye to sleep instead of breastfeeding to sleep. she resisted. she's a girl who knows exactly what she wants. i am sure this will be a good thing when she grows...but as a baby it was hard. thanks for sharing.